Whats the hitch with getting hitched - Part I

Disclaimer: This long and boring piece is in 2 parts. Might be pulled off tomorrow if it does not read well in the morning.

Earlier today -when i came back from gym - and thinking about brunch on the beanbag in front of TV - i was sternly told by - a rather determined looking -Zeenat to come down and eat at the table. Sensing that she was in one of her moods - i meekly ( and wisely) came down and started on the food. 

With me safely trapped at the table - marlon brando was woken up from his sunday morning shuteye session and was strategically positioned to cover her - with a tumbler of tea to keep him awake. 

With the reinforcements in order - she perched herself on a chair adjacent to mine - and started on her standard soliliquy ('serious talk') about getting me married. 

The usual speech runs in the following sequence:

a) The Intro: Lecture on the merits of treating me 'fairly' and having such 'serious talks' to discuss the affair. The idea of the intro is to sort of provide assurance that they always will listen to my side of the argument. 

b) Opening arguments: Essentially a lot of questions which are counter arguments to my standard list of top reasons why i dont want to get married now.

Rules: You are thrown a series of questions. You arent allowed to talk until specifically asked to.

Why do i think that i am too young to get married ? 

Why do i feel insecure (hmm, when did i tell her that?) ? 

When do i think we should get started ? 

Why do i feel that iam not settled at work ?

Do i actually intend to get married before i become 'too old' and cause a family scandal ?

etc. etc

The contents are fairly routine and do not really amuse me anymore. The idea is to soften you up for round 3 & 4.

c) Round 3: Specifications - Before i open my mouth - i am asked to give her a set of specifications for the ideal type of girl that i want them to look for me. Working ? Degree ? Location ? - again - i am normally not allowed to answer. Question after question flys around.

I will then be presented with the master list of parameters that Zeenat has defined. Good family. Good family. Not too old. Good family. Preferrably just completed studies (a.ka. not working). Good family (i dunno, this gets repeated several times) 

Before concluding - choicest of tambrahm epithets are thrown at IT companies - and such 'IT type girls & especially their parents who want 'US settled' or '5 figured salaried' boys and sneeze loudly when 'Madurai' is mentioned. 

d) Closing comments: Parts (a), (b), (c) are of course fairly routine, predictable and easy enough to evade. Part d - normally forms the crux / exact agenda of setting up the meeting. She usually launches into some brief about X or Y guy or his sammandhi's sister in law's cousin's 

'very nice daughter'   'very nice family' and so on - i mean, im sure one gets the idea.

Okay - this Sunday's part (d) was special in many ways. Zeenat looked sterner than usual - did not laugh at any of my attempts at jokes and was clutching this big envelope tightly - whilst throwing Marlon brando nervous glances. 

Eventually after getting through parts a,b and c - she did something that she hasnt done with me ever before - without warning she proceeded to extract papers from the dreaded envelope - and held them up under my nose - first, a profile of a particular female ** and then a series of photographs of this paavum girl ***

(**Interestingly, It read almost like a resume, with % of marks scored in HSC, list of hobbies etc. formatted out neatly in the word processor. I was sorely tempted to actually look more thoroughly into some of the details for amusement - i darent - for letting Zeenat misinterpret my interest) 

(*** It was almost professionally made - first in casual/daily wear, then in some kind of expensive looking sari and then in some harmless looking kurta type (western wear - i guess for zeenat's benefit). Quite frankly, the girl wasnt bad looking. Isnt her fault to send up getting featured here ) 

i was told to give my 'ok' or 'reasons for Not OK' then and there 

(all while my mouth was stuffed with Dosai & the divine Keerai Molagootal thats Zeenat's specialty) 

I closed the matter out by stuffing the last bit of dosai into my mouth and walking out - telling her, as sternly as possible, that she must play by the rules we had agreed upon earlier and not to discuss such things - in any level of seriousness - until after a year or so. 

While this normally puts her off for a few days - with minor grumbling of course - today - she promptly & rather hotly told Marlon Brando that i am the most confused, useless and disobedient boy in the world and that she wont waste another minute of effort trying to bring me in line. MB later told me that Zeenat burst into tears after i left and he expects me to 'fall in line' (his EXACT words) and not give her any more pressure or trouble.

The issue to be highlighted from the above, rather boring, narrative is that while in the past, most of such marriage related talk was mostly horsing around of some sort - Now - both the old man & Z think that i am old, the time is more than ripe to get me hitched and that i am showing signs of being 'difficult'.

The problem for kids who live with parents, are attached to them, even work with them is that - there some times like these - where you dont think like they do - and they dont think like you do - and from their perspective - they cant see one sane reason that why i dont agree to discuss the 'getting quickly hitched' issue.

So at last, we arrive at the key question to be answered : Whats the hitch with getting hitched ? 

Read on in Part II