Right then. Masala time!

2009 will go down as a special year because of umpteen things i’d rather not burden (this already miserable) blog with.

But, 2009, amongst other things – is the year of my ipod (In specific – the grey, 8 GB nano)

I dont normally bother with tweaking / frequently uploading / downloading content on & off the ipod etc. – theres normally one session every year or so where i cram everything i can find into it and build playlists as i keep playing, over usage, if you get the idea.

While this is NOT the ideal method to use the ipod properly as many people have told me – i am too lazy to try anything else.

Here are a list of 10 songs (old ones, all of them) that i sort of re-connected with during random encounters whilst using the ipod.

We start with the profound In this world  (Ronan keating), go on to Jiye tho jiye (Saajan), Dil Chahta Hai ,Yellow (Coldplay), Split screen sadness (John Mayer), Kaise Mujhe (Ghajini), White flag (dido), All that i need (my favoritest boybandish song ever), Real gone (Sheryl crow).

This rounds off the list along with the very interesting Tumse Milna **

(** It, of course, is a lovely song – the audio part, that is. The ridiculous video ( the one i found on youtube atleast) features subtitles, Salman Khan(topless, AND with a HOWLarious hairdo ) and poor bhumika running around in circles )

See anything you like ?

And, No. ‘Salman khan’ is not an acceptable answer.

P.s – I am working on a book list – more later.

Remember, X, the girl i had this thing for ? **

I referred to her as ‘the Bi*^#&’ today, during course of a casual telecon with D. D did not have an opinion, but then he does not know.

** I briefly contemplated putting in ‘have’ in place of ‘had’. But ‘had’ it is.

P.s and she’s a member of ‘Chetan Bhagat Rockssss!’ fanclub on facebook, for fucks’sake! i should have fucking known!

We’re at this point at work where everyone feels stretched, stressed and pretty close to each of our ‘capability ceilings’ acceptable for our given personal bandwidth, skillset levels.**

We’ve taken a very important decision today – that i’l run down clear numbers – critical numbers that we always talk about – Revenues, Receipts, Costs (splits), Bottom-line – on a month to month basis for my 2 divisions and we discuss them, The Old man and I, for a few hours, on every new month’s 1st or 2nd.

We of course do this unofficially all the time – but most often with other angles in mind – for eg. to facilitate a decision process and almost always with a shadow of some past one-time spike OR potential future spike factored into the discussion – ideally NOT the best backdrop for number crunching.

This way, if we’ve done as promised – i’ll do the yelling – and if we haven't – he can. And this way, we both know WTF we are doing, whos delusional and whos not.

** Remember, i said, ‘feel’.

The old man has instinct screaming at him – that the last year or so has seen FAR too much activity (Good and bad) and such a state of ‘prolonged excitement’ without ‘assimilation’ is NOT a good state of affairs.

But then as they all say – to be able to pass judgements / monitor or control ‘critical parameters’ they ought to be first measured.

Whew!

It sure has been a long time since I turned to the blog, um, out of sheer exhaustion (cant think of a better word)

I have been parked at the Emirates Lounge now for, well, a few hours now, trying to get through some work and i am just about saturated. Will finish this up, take a shower, sup a bit and join the madras-bound queue.

Have been in Amman for the last few days, attending to this special client’s problem – and there's all sort of shit hitting the fan – all at one time – in several places. Almost every project ive been involved with for the last 6 months or so has had serious, fire-fight-worthy developments.

And Amman turned out to be the least of all the problems. And it wasn't small, believe me. The client, very well known to me, in his ‘proud-jordanian-and-as-unreasonably-arab-as-they-come’ kind of way was gracious – but made sure that he gave me a vicious tongue-lashing and also made sure that we were penalized enough to make my old man yell at me over phone.

The yelling did not stop there, nor was he the only one who did the yelling. As i said, full container loads of shit hit the fan this week.

So here i am - tired, jet lagged, ego-shattered and awfully tired of hummus, moutabel, pita (in any bloody form), cheese, olives and Arabs.

A HUGE amount (if not ALL) of what we do directly depends upon who we are trying to impress, who we admire, who we look up to and who we look to emulate. Which is why simple people whose private / social lives are aligned to their work do particularly well.

On another related subject –

In that sense, i think i should have started directly working after Class 12. What little education ive had appears to have spoilt me – made me unsuited for even the most elementary kinds of standardized tasks.

I, in fact, sortof feel bad for all those PhD types who start working when they’re like 29 or 30 – there’re HUGE numbers of  jobs they’re unqualified for, sort of overqualified for, you could say. Puts lots of restrictions on what one can do to make a living.

P.s I totally need a shrink. No ?

More…

I probably am a little, um, in Love as well. But it sure as hell is one project which is not going anywhere.

And now that we’re here, i am not even sure if i actually WANT it to go anywhere*

For some strange reason i cant explain, i actually am looking forward to putting it behind and getting back on track on the rebound.

But cant seem to be able to get to it. Not just yet.

But a rebound is more than due. A few more kicks-in-the-arse pending, maybe ?

* - T calls it ‘A case of the useless fox, the unreachable grapes and the whole thing being called off because they are purportedly sour’.

I realize that, for the most part, what i really need are a few, well-placed, kicks-in-the-arse to keep me / get me on track.

I got quite a few today.

In fact, every time i appear to have done a little well at work – it almost always has been on the back of at least one of these  ‘getting-my-arse-kicked’ episodes. Sort of on a rebound, so to speak.

Is this normal ? Doesn't it show a complete lack of motivation ?

Do i really know where i WANT to be, in the macro sense ? Like, long termish ?

Maybe the fact is that i DONT really know – not really thinking about it – thusly making me drift – and just responding to stimulus (the ‘getting-my-arse-kicked’ episodes)

Ok. We have loads of stuff to get through, put down on paper, so to speak and preserve for posterity. So we'll stay as concise as possible through this post.

(a bloody welcome change from this blog's normal narrative style, no ? heh)

My tuppence worth on IB:

Wonderfully made movie, is IB. Highly recommended. One cant call it a,um, fun movie i guess. It is nice and rambly - BRILLIANT performances from every last member of the cast - Hans Landa takes the gold, of course, Shosana, Brad Pitt as Aldo ( overdid his accent, i thought though), the key members of the Inglorious basterds, Diane kruger, the gestapo colonel at the bar, the french dairy farmer from the first scene - all brilliant.

To be honest, the movie's whole plot is sort of weakish - hardly any substance or meat sticks in mind (like say, Munich, for example, if you get the point) - but scene by scene, Tarantino has crafted the movie around performances. The first scene ending with 'Au Revoir! Shosana!', the bar scene featuring the Diane Kruger randevous, a few scenes featuring the basterds - scene by scene like these listed above are near superlative.

MUST watch - if one hasnt seen it yet.

On to other things now:

Zeenat, under the influence of yet another stroke of hyperness has actually done the unthinkable.

She hired a cook - from yesterday. The cook is a typical Iyengar maami, calls Rasam 'Saathamudu' and calls me 'Ambi'. Shes comes in for about an hour and half in the morning and for about a couple more in the evening to cook 2 meals for the entire household (which is just me, MB, Zeenat and 2 maids).

We have been protesting, MB and I - i have been eating Thayir Saadam + Naarthangai oorgai for all the 2 days (despite being unwell) while MB has been sulking at the table complaining about salt, this and that.

Zeenat, as determined as she is, is taken it all in stride - she claims that she did this to 'free herself up' a little more, whatever that means! Shes been giving Similar trouble at work too.

Shes sort of going through some sort of mid-life crisis i guess. MB seems as clueless as i am though. That or he isnt telling. I am worried though.

Other stuff

I havent been well for the last 3-4 days. Went to plant only yesterday. Bunked out at home today, went to hospital got shots and about Rs.500 worth of Dolo 650 (paracetamol, which we already have BOXES of at home), Levofloxacin (What an FQ antibiotic will do for viral fever, i dont know) and what surely must be an irrational combination of 500mg paracetamol + 5 mg cetirizine + 5 mg phenylpropanolamine. That makes my daily intake of paracetamol = 650 x 3 + 500 x 2 = 2950 mg.

What am i, a horse ?

The Oppie bio:

As i mentioned before, i had earlier acquired a copy of this brilliant book. Its turning out to be one of the best bios ive done in quite a while now. Thoroughly researched, splendidly written. The amount of exposure oppenheimer had born to first general German-Jewish immigrants in New York, undergraduate from Standard, Postgraduate education from Cambridge (UK) then on to work with nearly every superlative physicist of the era by work in Germany, in Holland etc. work with people like Heisenberg, Paul Dirac, Cavendish, Max Born, Pauli and LOADs more. He could speak nearly every major European language, heck, even sanskrit it looks like.

One also realizes how the 'Golden period' of america was built around people like Oppie, who had the skills and the exposure and the later the channels to focus their talents on -

I am still on it - more later maybe. But superb book, strongly recommended.

Enough for today, i guess.

P.s 1 – This is showing at the RDX screen in Satyam from 18 Dec. I am looking forward to it.

P.s.2 – I am going to Jordan on the 19th for a few days. As much as i resisted it – i haven't been able to put it off. Might as well have fun, no ? But really bad time to be going abroad and all because work here is not chugging along as nicely as one would have liked – and i am expected to tighten screws and get it going. I leave, everything goes phut for another week. WTF, lets c.

The last of the fixtures have arrived – they fit perfectly – there is now a godawful amount of pressure on putting all the acquired hardware to use.

Have to produce more, convert hardware into production systems, get the lab in shape (Awfully expensive lab hardware from Agilent (7890 GC, 12 vi static HS) & Waters ( Isocratic HPLC, UV – vis detector , Empower complete version) are lying unopened, uninstalled, not contributing) get EMEA approval and all pretty damn quick.

There is more than subtle pressure on me now.

Phase I – Due diligence, Coughing up $$ and putting the $$ to the correct use – this phase is pretty much done by now.

Phase II – The business plan must be put to work. All physical assets are to be converted into useful objects which help to make $$. Promotions, customer calls, audits, approvals, Visas, Visits and *sigh* websites.

Phase II is mostly on my head.

On the brighter side, if (im sure we will, so lets say WHEN, shall we?) – ok – WHEN – we pull it off – we’d have more than definitely gotten somewhere.

Heck, I’d have gotten somewhere too.

I’l be counted in as one of the grown-ups, i wont feel bad about obsessing about a vacation in Scotland and probably receive less Gaali in return after lecturing MB on how to run a business hes managed to build over 20 odd years.

P.s I am working on a broadish website theme – one for our pharma business and the other for our other verticals. I’d doing our business a BIG disservice if i dont get them both up and running before the New year.

Trouble is, like with everything else, i try and set my own standards for design and structure right up there near The Newyorktimes and the Guardian – and consequently squander away time on pointless evaluations of content management systems, opensource platforms and what not – while the actual sites have already been paid for – just waiting for specific content (MY job)

I am probably not very different from some of these regular talentless assholes.

The sooner i realize it and churn out more common minimum standard** level work – the better for me. No ?

P.s 2 Here is a little something for download – it looks like a joke, i know – but it sort of is the skeleton around which i am making a big presentation for submission on Monday.

Earlier today acquired copies of this, this, the much recommended Oppenheimer biography  and one condensed version of this brilliant graphic novel. (Having English translations of all the 4 originally french !? volumes)

All for just under 1500 bucks. Steal, no ?

It did not stop there.

On the way back i bought a ticket for tonight’s 10:20 pm screening of this (This is the last show in Satyam im told – its being taken off tomorrow. Ha!)

Might as well add a trip to here in the evening – and round off what will turn out to be a truly lovely day!

I go to Bombay tomorrow will stay there until thursday – We’re having a meetup – T, C, A, M – even IS is coming down from kanpur*

[to attend seminars and meet a few blokes, learn a thing or two about what big brother does for a living :) ]

And hey, i turned 25 last friday.

And i haven't had such a stimulus-filled birthday  – since, like my 12th birthday** i think. 

Heaps of phone calls, smses, scraps and what-not.

Then X called*

* – Um, It wasnt to deliver giggly birthday wishes as one would have wanted. It was about some random Hotel / Travel agent Reco – i of course promptly gave it to her. She hasn't followed up – the poor thing - must have been busy planning her holiday! I of course haven't followed back too – i am busy too, am’nt i ? I am such a weak b%%#$%d. No ?

** - i was like in 7th standard – and one time, under the influence of big stroke of childish hyperness - i distributed like 30 or 40 of these cute like 2 rupee / piece invitation cards to all the girls in class asking them over for a birthday party at home. 3 or 4 of them turned up. D, my first dreamgirl ever – turned up too – her sister, mother etc. in tow – and we played cricket under the tree next to our house. I was hopelessly in love with D, i think, for like 3 years)

Tomorrow is an experiment.

• I will wake up at 5:30 work on website until 8
• Break at 8 until 8:15 - work on cost reports of AHU/panelling, PO for doors and the building – 9:45
• Leave for plant around 10:15 am.
• Get through ALL pending sampling jobs, meeting with Civil Engr.
• Back at 2:30 pm (be home around 4 ish)
• If youre early work on website until 4 pm power cut.
• Gym at 4 – until 6
• Email from 6 to 7
• Chat / Food until 8:30
• Penthouse – Review, Emails etc.
• book, sleep at 10:30 pm

I can see atleast 15 available hours for work here. If all goes well – i’l stick to this routine for the rest of the week.

The next week is screwed anyway.

P.s – I should blog about work often i think. WTF, im atleast obsessing about the right stuff :), no ?

It is more than abundantly clear, now more than ever, that all my failures will be attributed NOT to lack of information / stimulus (for, without a shred of doubt, i think that i have had FAR superior exposure than most people i’ve known).

But they will probably be attributed to my lack of level headedness, perseverance and, believe it or not, common sense. 

I will be a MUCH better performing person if only i stopped procrastinating so much and just go through all the work on my list (that will probably take 10 or 15 minutes each)

I’ve been a lifelong* advocate of the theory that:

Betterment = Continuous Pursuit of better stimulus

But sadly, as with everything nice, there will be a point where one overdoes something – and off late, i appear to have reached that state now.

I appear to be spending most of my time trying to acquire one skill set after another, running after exposure to one stimulus after the other – but basically ignoring the fact that i have to follow up on previously acquired skill sets, absorbed stimuli (so to speak) - put them to use – get something tangible  in the bag – before wandering off to another potential gig.

Maybe it is just a passing phase, maybe it is not.

(* ‘Lifelong’ is a rather, um, tall (shall we say?) word to use. But WTF, i turn 25 in a couple of days time. And I’ve gone past, what, like atleast 30% of my quota ?

Corny, no ? if one thinks of it that way.. like you’re done living a third of your life already)

Books

Grabbed the following at Delhi airport:

Charlie Wilson’s war a book (and the subsequent movie which sound very interesting as a subject), The much hyped & written about Superfreakonomics and finally the highly recommended Death of a money lender 

Also (aided by a rather remarkable stroke of good luck, i guess) at the Jalandhar train station bookstore i got a second hand copy of Ron Rosenbaum’s article collection called ‘Travels with Doctor death’ (the guy gave it to me at Rs.75 – it had a cigarette burn from the cover, running down to about 50 pages deep)

I just read one i’d already heard of called ‘Who was Maria’s Lover ? : The controversy over Hilter’s ancestry’. It reads brilliantly. More later.

Update

I have done up 2 out of 5 things that i planned to complete before midnight, sat through the boring UTD-Chelsea match which chelsea invariably won.

I still will go watch Inglorious Basterds on Tuesday

Mua ha ha haa – i am lazy and i am evil ! 

Apart from a trip to work and a 3 hour sleep in the evening, I’ve been with her all day.

Interesting writing, Alice Munroe’s is. The first of part of the book ‘No advantages’ – after a sort of a rambly start is just about warming up. How this book will fit into my ‘spend time on  only the kind of books which will provide wholesome fundae / gyaan / subject knowledge ’ is something i still dont know **

There are trips to Landmark, even, um, kinokuniya in store later this month.

Starting tomorrow – i’l spend a couple of days in madras, then a day or two in Delhi, a couple  in Jalandhar (S has promised me a droolworthy sightseeing trip this Sunday to Amristar), back Home and then to Thailand, returning via Bombay for Cphi.

I actually wanted to get through the posts on Madrid and Barcelona today – but cant – they’ll continue to remain WsIP

I’ve shifted a table, sofa outside the penthouse, to the TV room, hoping to get through work, whilst keeping the TV on, hoping that Man UTD wont lose.

IF i am satisfied with what work i get through tonight – ive promised myself that i’l watch Inglorious Basterds in Madras on Tuesday night.

Alone. If it really comes to that.

** MB and i have been talking a lot about money making, quality of life etc. ‘ Quality of Life ’  loosely defined as maximizing time spent ( from total available time ) over a standard list of things one enjoys doing. There is of course, a more sophisticated explanation to Quality of Life that we’re clear about – but it is (im sure to everyone’s relief) for another day. 

The mechanism, variables we have to consider while choosing what books to spend time on – is what i meant. Will write it up when it takes concise shape.

Work

 

Theres a photo of one of the sections from the powder processing area of the plant job i’ve been on all this time.

Looks like one of those photos on firangi brochures, no ? (i am hoping that it does look that way)

More later..

I deserve a special place amongst the most shameless* blokes that ever have walked this planet for what happened today, just a little while ago.

Zeenat has actually set up a ,what she calls, ‘date’ for me, later on this month. This ‘date’ is the daughter of so-and-so who is a friend of so-and-so and so on and so forth.

I told her that it is extremely kind of her to set me up with a date and BTB,I asked, if it indeed is a ‘date’- then why is she worried about the day of the week, day of the month, time of the day, Ammavaasai and so on..? ( i caught her red handed, chatting away on the phone, calendar in hand, with an aunt)

She promptly burst into crocodile tears and her sidekick, MB, appears and delivers this poker faced, stern-dont-mess-with-me style lecture etc. while ive laughed it all off.

I am considering telling Zeenat that i am in Love with Anamaria (Fa’s assistant in Sao Paolo) and we’ll be officially seeking permission soon – or better still – that i am still in two minds if i am straight or gay. Believe me, She’ll then provide enough material to make a movie as long as all the 3 parts of the Lord of the Rings combined.

It is sort of sad that i have such manipulative, strong-willed parents.

We’re all – im quite sure - one way or the other – hapless victims of parental manipulation, no ?

(*Why ‘Shameless’ one might ask – well, one does feel kind of corny when one’s mother actually sets up something - that she has the gall to refer to - as a ‘date’. eh ?)

P.S – I was just telling MB that a good writer of masalafied behaviorial theories, maybe Gladwell, if permitted, will end up with a bestselling masterpiece analyzing the behavioural patterns of Zeenat & Co – and we’ll all be that much richer with the share of royalties from the book.

I've almost gotten through Patrick French's biography of V.S.Naipaul : The World is what it is. As it takes up no less than 499 pages in annoyingly condensed font size, hitting on it all week long does takes its toll. But this is probably the only chance i have to get this done. So here goes.

The book's key strength, as one review mentions, is the way French has cautiously kept 'Naipaul the person' and 'Naipaul the writer' distinct - and apart from a small anecdote from the first few pages - French keeps his own assessment/opinions of Naipaul out of the book.

I've never ever thought of reading any of Naipaul's works, but have always been fascinated by the aura and hype associated with him. In one sense, this book will serve as an easily digestible, condensed summary of Naipaul's books - as nearly all of Naipaul's notable works of fiction including A House for Mr.Biswas appear to be near-completly derived from personal experience. In fact, i am quite sure that I'l probably never ever manage to read some of his racier works (For instance 'Guerillas' influenced by Black power wackos like Micheal X**) primarily because they all revolve around themes which are pretty dated and are of absolutely no interest to me.

Most of Naipaul's driving force, writing material appears to have come from his own background, being born into an eccentric, extended hindu (Brahman) immigrant family in Trinidad and his move to England as a student after winning a scholarship to go to Oxford.

This unique combination of ethinic, geographical factors - him being a Hindu of Indian origin (but no other connection with India whatsoever), childhood experiences, his father's influence (a sort of a smalltime, failed writer), his native intelligence, the oxford education, the black influence from the Caribbean - in my opinion- put into his head this potent mix of - eccentricity, identity crisis and writing talent.

Most of his works are considered to be of very high literary quality but almost always appear to have caused much scandal, hue and cry - mostly because of, what i feel - his fuck-all, egoistic attitude, related lack of subtleness, sensitivity.

French has presented, throughout the course of the book, incisive references from other people's critique of Naipaul's writing, often quoted verbatim. One that particularly stuck to my mind, quoted from page 351:

Quote

'Naipaul is a scourge, He never relents,' wrote Joe Klein in Mother Jones. His work 'can best be described as a literature of buggery: His main purpose seems to be the desecration of this audience.'

All the same, Klein admitted, "I, as a devoted reader, cannot resist the temptation to be ravaged'

Unquote

But what makes this book truly interesting is the truly wonderfully well done presentation of - Vidia Naipaul, the person - his eccentricity, thought processes exposed by way of excerpts from personal correspondence, his early life in Trinidad, relationships with siblings, Pat, the period he spent as a struggling writer, his publishers, his social set, his affair with Margaret, accounts of his travels across the world on writing assignments. etc..

Did you know that Naipaul probably spent more time executing writing commissions as a travelling journalist than actually writing fiction ? word-by-word he's probably written more for this genre than actual fiction.

Did you also know that Naipaul met you know who in Africa, when the latter was just in his early twenties ? In fact,  Theroux is a constant presence in this book - He appears to have treated (the mostly misanthropic, boorish) Naipaul as some sort of mentor-type figure, writing letters, reviews, seeking guidance and so on..

Theroux has of course written several books, collection of memoirs on Naipaul - most notable amongst them being 'Sir Vidia's Shadow*' (Click the link and you'll know how complex they both are, as people).

If i ever had to make a Naipaul-centric reading list - i'd probably try 'A House for Mr. Biswas', go on to his India Books and take a call from there. But for people with lesser bandwidth, this book offers a nice dose of Naipaul's writing with superbly entertaining background on the man***, the state of the world during the 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s, and the kinds of specific stimulus he received to make him do all the stuff he did.


*Sidetrack # 1 : There is a section in this book, where French compares Theroux's distorted description (from 'Sir Vidia's Shadow') of a specific lunch party hosted by Naipaul and his wife (Which Theroux was invited to) - with true facts obtained from other attendees.

There are several instances where Theroux's description of the Lunch (which was claimed to be fully reporting facts) is actually factually wrong. In fact, most of the distortion appears to have been done on purpose, with full knowledge.

That leaves me smug with the satisfaction of having found factual evidence that my original theory on Theroux's writing is correct.

I've always believed that a large portion of Theroux's stuff is actually only based on a true BACKBONE - most of the facts that go along with the misanthropic humor and kink that is actually (in my humble opinion at least) considered to be Theroux's selling point is actually fictional. Not that it makes him any less fun to read.

(** Remember the Jason Statham starring Brit-pic i wrote about seeing on Emirates last year The Bank Job - that had a bit of a side story involving the Micheal X scandal tpp..vaguely interesting. We, of course, are WAY off the subject.)

(*** I have a theory on why i find reading background / biographical fundae on blokes like Naipaul interesting. Later, maybe.)

I have been, since like from April or May, been on a sort of a health-kick to like get into some kind of physical shape. I have been fairly successful, clearing at least a sort of an internal cut-off, you know, WRT a weight loss target.

I actually weigh about 5 kilos higher than what i used to weight when i left college, But i am no longer, like, clinically obese. (BTB, the last semester in college, i used to jog about 5 x 400m daily with R, stretch with G , play tennis in the evening, used to run on a 1500 bucks-a-month fruit juice budget and did not have unlimited access to Ganesh Vilas Kadalai mittai - so that is a pretty stiff target to achieve).

The problem is, to keep this up , (i.e) shed the 5 extra kilos and not put on weight again - i need near daily excercise. Now because i have go to work at 9 am ish - and i need atleast 2 hours between waking up and being ready for work - (Gym, transit etc.)

- I need to wake up between 6 & 6:15 and NOT switch the computer on until i get to work.

- But i invariably switch it on, officially to check up on carry over correspondence from Latin America and possible firefighting jobs from the Far East, but actually to mostly do random stuff* online.

- The actual problem is with my evening routine. I typically finish up work around 7 pmish at the plant - shut computer down +/- that time and be home between 7:30 and 8:00. Eat and do nothing/chat with mother etc. until 9/9:15.

The situation seems to boil down to a scenario where i have to get to my 'Change-Grab a book -Sleep' routine around 10 pm.

If there is excitement in Latin America, which happens atleast on 2/3 days every week - work online/MSN/Skype drags on for a bit - and with some random dabbling thrown in - the 'Grab a book - Sleep' routine gets shifted to 12 amish - meaning that if the book is as good as this - i cant sleep for atleast another hour - and i'l be groggy in the afternoon if i wake up at 6. And i cant complete anything if i wake up at 7:30 or 7:45.

The only viable solution appears to an overhaul of the evening routine - getting to the 'Grab-a-book' routine before 10/10:15 pm max - and ONLY work online until 10 pm.

Its turned out then, that i, almost certainly, never will be one of those 'work-all-night-wake-at-4am-run10km-worth-10bn' type people profiled on magazines and all...Sad, no ?

Notes

*Gtalk, Twitter, Reader, Google finance, Random/Not-so-random stalking etc.

P.S - But on the whole, setting up this routine is terribly important. Amongst other withdrawal effects, I seem to have trouble with digestion, trouble with skin, with overall stamina levels etc. if i dont excercise regularly (as i've discovered this month)

More importantly, I now sort of feel like a deflated balloon - possibly because i have excessive collagen in my skin - but i always have this feeling that i'l get fat if i stop exercising - and this situation must be sorted out - possibly with careful weight training - and i HATE weight training.

P.S.2 - Back when we were still kids - it used to be a simple enough to talk a friend into getting into your daily routine, helping each other with the rhythm etc. - used to be much more easy and fun that way. Sadly, the odds of Gurpal Singh coming to live in Madurai & jogging with me dont look great..*sigh*.. i wonder what the geezer is upto these days..?

I just realized that i am one of those, useless, boring, worthless blokes who'll grow up and be a Mamoo* 


(* Maamoo as in Munnabhai, im sure one gets the idea)


The reason for this, rather sweeping, conclusion is that it appears that in order to get ahead, make a living (and all that blah-blah) i'l probably be spending the rest of my life doing uncool stuff. 


I am, of course, developing the most boring, bird-brained, clumsily presented theory around this. Maybe later. 


Case in point: 


My conversation with female X the other day.


X asked me about what i 'did', where i 'hung out' in spain. 


I, as usual, kept my work out of the discussion. And with little else from Spain - stumbled around the few plazas, nightly walks, 10 euro-all-you-can-eat-buffets and a (what must have been) godawfully boring account of the day trip to barcelona..(Note: Sarcasm intended)


X, incidentally, is the same person who actually started laughing (rather loudly - i must say - even attracting the attention of passerbys) when i had once, during the course of some gen chit-chat, explained to her my concept of how blokes should think of setting up this 'trust fund' before getting married etc. 


Now, a little bit of introspection actually reveals that X's attitude is probably correct in one sense. 


Let me explain: An impressive, well rounded, going-places - young man of 25 - ought to know a little more about all the right things in life like 'doing' 'hanging out'. And X is just behaving naturally - just like nature intended her to behave like - anyone with an overall behavioral pattern similar to mine are Maamoos and Maamoos are a big no-no (or possible casual+sometimes entertaining+nice to know acquaintances) 


This thought process leads to several, hugely tricky questions - two of which are pro'lly: 


1) WHAT is the ideal-impressive-kindof behavior in such contexts ? One of these days, when i stabilize a little- or maybe someday in the future, i'l probably ask X the same thing - WTF does she consider cool ?


2) Is the problem really with X, in this case - as in - 'bah, X is not worth it' 'X has a brain about the size of the average parrot's' (as some friends suggest) ?


OK. Enough.


We now move on - a maamoo is a respectable maamoo ONLY if he does well at work - and such delusional, hormonal state of affairs is NOT the ideal frame of mind for a maamoo to be in. 


P.S  All this has sort-of-spoilt my planned post and all - but Ive uploaded a fairly largish chunk of photos - in no particular order - Commentary / Post later on, if i manage crawl out of this hole this week. The album is here

There was some website i was looking at which had a whole section with stuff tagged - 'Nobody thinks this is funny but me' 

I am thinking of naming this blog exactly that. 

I am also thinking of writing a book. 

No, i dont do drugs at home. 

And, no, not outside home either. 

Ive finally gotten down to reading 'The world is what it is' (Patrick French's biography of V.S.Naipaul) - im in fact just about into the first 50 odd pages. Its real nicely done, i have to admit - and its one of those books i know, i am sure, that i'l enjoy.

I have a thing for biographies - always had. If i ever sit down and make a list of books i've enjoyed the most over the years - the list (however tedious it is) will surely contain more than a few biographies. I mustav done, i dunno, hundreds of them i think.

Was chatting with a friend a little while ago - and it seems that him & nearly everyone he seems to know - haven't read a book in a really long time - he in fact does not remember the last time he read a book - ANY book

(Remember - the guy is a normal, nice, fun guy. He is pretty educated, holds down a nice job and all..)

In fact several other people - people i talk to - at work, from places like IITs, IIMs, doing post-docs, double PhDs, managed seriously complex businesses and so on - actually NEVER read.

Funny part is - they don't seem too affected by this -  potentially hugely crippling - deficiency (at least as what id expect it to be like).

While the friend agreed that he does not gather enough 'funda' (his word, not mine) - he claims that most book-reading related 'funda gathering' - is not really relevant in terms of holding down a good job, having an active social life, being liked by people in general.

The guy here is sort of implying that - he thinks that no tangible, monetizable, directly-qualifiable - 'skillsets' are developed when one has a reading habit.

Stupid, wrong and ludicrously narrow-minded, of course.

For example, one can read and write better if one has a reading habit.

But WTF, funny way of looking at the whole thing, no ?

I am back home, after like 10 days of stimulus overload.

I had a lovely time in Madrid and then the one day in Barcelona - will probably count amongst the bestest trips ive ever had. I've been making notes, keeping copies of maps, entrance tickets and loads of photos for a nice, rambly post (godawfully boring too - as im sure most of my pieces are). Will pro'lly get through it when im free - weekend, maybe ?

Here's a sneak-peek at the kind of photos one can expect (there are like 300 of them)



p.s : BTB in case anyone wonders where on earth have all the copies of "John Keay's India: A History" have disappeared to  (Landmark, Kinokuniya etc were always out of stock) - the answer is that they've been mass booked by the 2-3 Airport stores in Madras (past the international security check, just before final gate entry). Each store had like half a dozen copies in stock, the ridiculous overprice and all. I did buy one - and Boy! it is crammed with fundae, much too heady for my present state - but my dads already taken it off me and appears to be engrossed in it.

P.s 2 : Did i tell you that i had a WHALE of a time WRT work in Spain too ? The daily grind we've gone through for the last half year or so - almost on a daily basis - is worth it - mind you - whatever / however one might crib - this basic funda is intact. So there. That should explain the entire air of positive optimism and all. :x

Just ran through the below post and i cant help but realize how much of a bore i probably must be!

No fucking wonder...

I cant believe that i am actually saying this - but i actually am realizing how important this trip is actually turning out to be.

You get different perspectives on what you think you are doing, what others think you are doing, what you think others are doing and finally try and make an assessment of what you should be doing.

I realize that most people think that ive done - still doing fairly well - but i realize that in nearly cutting off myself from stimulus from the commercial side of my what otherwise was a carefully cultivated business - the whole scenario is a little bit drifting.

Most importantly - i realize that one can be WILDLY successful by just doing / delegating / training for the basic, standardized tasks that one normally associates with our kinds of businesses - taking up too much of such, what is normally standardizable work is probably my biggest folly.

People with FAR less skillset levels achieve FAR bigger results by doing exactly what i am explaining.

WTF, i ve also probably been a little hormonal off late with this juvenilish crush and related obsession consuming a significant part of my mental bandwidth. This trip, lets say, apart from what work ive managed and all - is like a sort of a vacation. 

We´ll put the crush behind now - work on a response of respectable quality to all the stimulus i am gathering.

(P.s Ive been in Madrid since Sunday - i stay in this wonderfully located Hotel - bang on Plaza Mayor (sort of like the center of old town) - its like i step out - im in disneyland - the hotel, at 75 euros a night (BnB) is typically European - small rooms, arrogant pricks at the reception desks and but all the more charming because of where they are located. i use the internet at the cafe further along Calle Arenal, surrounded by babelicious senoritas furiously typing away on facebook and MSN msnger. I ve been taking photos, using the Metro a lot - taking long walks and all - i also bought a 50 euro ticket on a overnight train to Barcelona for Friday night - saturday will be spent there - before flying back to Madras on sunday)

P.s 2 - I suddenly miss having friends to talk all this through. WTF. Just when i thought i should stop being hormonal :x

I worked through the night yesterday, went to sleep at 3 am, backup at 7. But LOADS of stuff got done. I've filled up nearly 2 days of meeting slots, and already have atleast 3 meetings - EACH of which will be separately worth this trip. Another day or two like this, i'l be done.

I'l be leaving a day early - so we have a day to spare in Madrid - and by some conspiracy cooked up between my travel agent & Jet airways - will return one day late, via, get this, Barcelona.

I havent made up my mind - as to whether i should crib or feel elated.

But all signs point to a great next week - and Diwali will be spent (depending on when diwali is) either roaming the streets of Barcelona or hanging about in Brussels.

The Channel Paradox

One way to beat stress at work, i've realized, is to shut down that day and take the next day easy. Then work your way up the list of pending gigs from the bottom - the easier ones first - the messier ones last. This way, when you've done about a dozen emails over half a day - you feel a lot lighter and de-stressed.

I'l be sort of in stealth-mode at work tomorrow, taking out a few pending gigs from my to-do list. I'l probably be in stealth mode all of this week, in fact.

In fact, i have a theory on this too. Here goes:

The amount of stress you endure at work is related to your mental bandwidth. The more your perceived mental width, the more channels* of work you take on. The more the number of channels, the probability** of encountering trouble in atleast one of the channels increases. In fact the value approaches 1 when the number of channels one works on is more than 2 or 3.

(* Dimensions = channels, in bandwidth parlance - if you get what im saying)

** Probability of occurrence of either A or B, as we all know is ADDITIVE - higher than either just A or just B. If A, B becomes A,B,C,D,E..etc. the probability of either A or B or C or D or E nears one, i.e a definite event)

This brings us to the crux of this theory - tentatively named  - 'The channel paradox' - where the ideal scenario is for an individual to have as many channels working as possible and a nearly stress-free life (or a near zero stress value, which can be directly correlated to the above probability discussed).

The paradox here is that practical considerations will almost all the time lead to a scenario where - more the number of operational channels, higher the value of trouble probability in atleast one of the channels and thusly, a poor stress score.

P.S - Heres some corollary i'd have written up back in the old days. 

If a guy can play the guitar like John Mayer, Speak with an accent as sexy as Javier Bardem's, look like Mark Wahlberg and write like Stephen Leacock's step brother - he'll probably be as strung as him and most definitely will need to be locked up in a nuthouse with multiple keepers with submachine guns guarding him. 

P.S 2 - I know that the whole thing is majorly *Yawn* inducing. I'l let it stay though - will be the only thing i'l write up for quite some time. 

Stimulus and evolution

Life, ive found out, is a series of periods of exposure to stimulus. And phases of assimilation / evolution / reaction to the stimulus - interspersed in between those periods of exposure.

I am constantly evolving - the evolution mostly being a function of the stimulus i am exposed to and parameters fine tuned based on a sort of a positive feedback loop:

Stimulus -> Reaction / Evolution -> More Stimulus -> Assessment of  suitability of evolution -> More Evolution -> Stimulus .. and so on it goes.

Um, general rant mostly.

Its now been like 6 months since ive been near permanently living here at home - just sporadic trips (mostly need based) most people i meet seem to think that ive lost a fair amount of weight and generally looking significantly healthier than i've ever looked.

I am getting a lot of rest i think. I can put in 16/18 hour workdays and still get 6 hours of sleep because transit times and domestic chores are nearly non existent.

Drove to Coimbatore and back on saturday - there is a HUGE improvement in highway quality across Tamilnadu - now it just takes me like 3.5 hours to get there from Madurai - thats like an average of somewhere near the 80 kmph mark. This is in fact happening across India simultaneously as i see it - Ive been to Bangalore recently - of course around Madras - in Bombay - Gujarat - so theres something all these NRI types have missed. I actually can drive to Madras in 6 hours from Madurai - although i havent tried it yet - but this really changes a lot of business dynamics - maybe that - and a possible introduction of a shatabdi type train between Madras and Madurai -

Onto other things:

We went out for food yesterday - Zeenat, MB and me - to the only posh joint in the neighbourhood - and we  were like chatting - more like she was doing most of the talking. Key noteworthy points:

a) She claims to be in a 'stage of life' where she feels 'Lonely' - in Tamil she clarifies - வெறுமை (i checked MB's reaction to see if this was some prearranged gag - but he seemed genuinely surprised)

b) Shes very happy that ive 'settled down' here and IS is 'settling down' with his course - so shes now peacefully 'concentrating' on 'completing long pending work on house renovation*'

c) It now gets interesting. In one moment of weakness - she confirmed that her Top reason for hounding me about getting married is that she wants Grandchildren to obsess about. I point out that she has atleast 3 of them (All my cousins are moms and dads now - they all live in the neighborhood) - but she tells me that it is 'not the same' as your 'own' grandchild.

She then concludes - with the above powerful arguments as support - that i am somehow not 'falling in line' and she does not understand what makes me behave like such a killjoy when 'kids everywhere' 'listen to parents'

So, now in addition to ones regular family responsibilities that people talk about all the time - it looks like theres this new job of keeping one's mother entertained by frequently churning out new cute grandchildren at an optimum frequency, comfortably spaced out to keep her happy for the entire duration of the 'lonely period !?'

And I always thought that only teenagers or people in their twenties go through these 'Angst ridden' phases in life - Mothers in their 40s appear to have these attacks too - boy-oh-boy - they sure need a lot of maintenance.

Explanatory notes:

* - In the last couple of months - Zeenat has gone ahead and aggressively bought up tracts of land next to our house (needlessly large & a bit pricey in my opinion) and actually extended our parking lot into a sort of a wide open garden with all kinds of frills and walkways. She even wanted a fountain for lord's sake but MB put his foot down. Shes actually got all this done superquick - keeping a civil team on site round the clock and picking every last paverblock & granite slab herself - faster than i ever manage to get any civil work done at the factory.

Here is a sample of the results of her labor - the view from my Penthouse's window.

From garden

Will probably take it off in the morning. These are just notes, i guess.

Ok. Assume that we start with some capital - say - 1,00,000

1% of 1,00,000 = Rs.1,000

Post taxes, a fixed deposit pays you 0.5% per month (6% p.a) risk free = Rs.500 a month on 1,00,000

In order to maintain a minimum standard lifestyle i probably need Rs.50,000 (not right now. Now i need much lesser - but id ideally like 50,000 a month in change apart from what my day job will give me* - so this 50k will go to family for lifestyle, domestic expenses (dogfood, diapers) and so on)

So to make 50,000 a month from FD interest (risk free) i need about a crore in fixed deposits.

This is not just me - this is what anyone will need. This is / or atleast should be anyone's first financial milestone.

(*What the day job gives, will mostly go back to the day job because it is a physical business and it needs to grow, see ?)

I have pretty rigid ideas, developed over a long period , on this particular theme - more stuff maybe later.

Question: Why this wonkery today, all of a sudden ?


The thing is - say i have some money in stocks, part of a portfolio i set up in February 2009. By now - 'X' is slightly more than '2X' and this 2X today is like partly stocks and partly in cash (Most big positions sold off / older positions toned out etc) - Probably like 1X (stocks) + 1X (cash) -

The Index today is at 16,700 odd - here are some scenarios to consider and relative likelihoods of happening (my own estimates):

a) Index at 21,000 - 25% gain from current levels. Amount made = 25% of 1X = 0.25X
Likelihood: HIGHLY unlikely

b) Index at 15 - 18k - 5% +/- from current levels. Not significant change in nett worth.
Likelihood: Highly probable for another month or two.

c) Index falling back to 13,000 levels - 20% loss from current levels. Amount lost = 0.2X
Likelihood: Pretty good chances.

d) Index getting below 13,000 - >25% loss from current levels. Highly unlikely.

In such a scenario - the best case upward scenario looks a pretty small gain - while the most likely scenario (mildly bearish) will probably wipe out between 10 and 20% of my original capital.

One thing i am strongly tempted to do is the liquidate ALL my stock holding and just play with options and futures for the next month or so - purely participating on a momentum / technical call basis - with the option to cut exposure off with just one phone call.

*yawn* we'll see - the impulse to trade / act on half baked information is probably the serious investor's biggest folly - so we sleep on this tonight and take a call tomorrow - noting that in the background the assumption is that capital preservation and establishment of the trust fund are the medium term milestones we are going for.

Notes on the Ladder Theory

I have been obsessing about the Ladder Theory all afternoon. In case anyone hasn't read the article in question, please go forth immediately and do so.

Important takeaways:

a) I firmly agree with the idea that Girls have two ladders* - the 'Potential' ladder and the 'Never' ladder. (*Although the girl or two i discussed this article with seem to think that they only have one ladder.)

First impressions last pretty long, especially with girls. Girls form quick, rigid categorizations based on an initial assessment and from there it is quite hard to switch ladders.

b) Guys, i can quite confidently say, have only one ladder, "conflating both desirability as a mate and relationship value into an overall measure of priority" to quote the article.

This (i think) explains a lot of things.

A guy, at one time, can only work on one top ranking female or maybe a few more top rankers on his ladder and there is a general lack of civility, consistency and interest to work on most other females - resulting in erratic, sometimes 'troll-like' behavior - often sabotaging his chances with potential girls who happened to be lower ranked at that given time.

Girls - because of this general dual ladder concept - are much more level headed, stable in terms of sending out signals / general interaction with blokes from all kinds of ladders.

c) As ive always believed, the 'nice guy act' normally results in more harm than good. You go straight on the 'Never' ladder. The 'nice guy' can be quite tricky to explain - girls often send out mixed signals about what characters they find desirable - nearly all the time cryptic / not forthcoming about what they find 'potential' worthy and what they also like - but in the um, 'friend' sense.

d) And lastly, i think girls (atleast whilst they are officially not committed) maintain a fairly flexible, Open ended short list from the amongst the blokes on the 'Potential' ladder and retain one single communication quality with all members in the short list, atleast during the entire courtship / until time runs out (one way or the other)

On the contrary, guys tend to run Close ended ladders - with fewer candidates, often with no new entrants unless some of the older members on the ladder are removed for some reason or the other.

e) One, often overlooked aspect - which of course has a BIG say in the general scheme of things is that - females are, on an age to age basis - about 20% ahead of males on the 'relationship quotient related emotional maturity' score - probably even more so in the Indian context (what exactly is this and why? thats another long theory in itself. not today, im afraid. But im sure u get the general idea).

Now noting that for a male with females of the same or slightly older age on his ladder - this represents a significant disadvantage - while for a female looking for a suitor with any acceptable age configuration (usually nearly equal to or slightly older) this is hardly a matter for concern.

So there.

Disclaimer: I normally am quite sensible and all screws, nuts, bolts firmly in place. But this, i felt, for this stage of life, was an important concept to imbibe for all of us.

WTF, much bull is shot for FAR wackier things.

p.s Now i originally intended to do this as a tag* - with people asked to:

-> Read the Wikipedia article first and then post short opinions on:

1) One ladder vs two ladders for women.

2) Weightage given to first impression.

3) General agreement on a single ladder for men

4) The 'Nice guy' approach - Right or wrong

5) Opinion on open ended female ladders and close ended ones kept by males.

(*Thank the lords that i havent. Be warned that i might, if response is tepid :x)

On kim Clijsters and the pursuit of happiness

Ok.

Let us start with why i am a big fan of Kim Clijsters

(Was reminded of her after yesterday's, what appears to be ugly, end to her match against Serena. More here )

Clijsters is typically my kind of doe-eyed dream girl - mature, quiet, unassuming, easygoing - while still being top of the game professionally (or always being nearly so, on a consistent basis)

Shes probably always runs about 10% below peak performance by not being overachieving, psyched, maniacal and volatile (Like some of these less talented Russian Divas, Guys like Marat Safin, heck even Serena)

All ive seen about her on TV and online are always Sweet - She always appears smiley faced & content - i havent EVER seen her looking flustered / breaking the odd racquet or fighting referees or using arrogant, intimidating body language (Like Federer, for eg.)

The point here is the importance of being happy, emotionally stable and consistent through the course of one's working, social life.

Over these last few months of living, working alongside my parents i realize how important it really is to give off the right emotional signals to people around you, to be non-volatile as much as possible and being a stabilizing influence overall.

Even if this means that there is a compromise on performance intensity - In nearly all cases, by how much you are off from peak performance / skillset levels (10% or 15% or 50%) does not really matter.

It is typical with people of our generation, age group - we tend to risk driving off the cliff just to attempt to push up another 10-15% in performance - and end up, more often than not, driving off the cliff. While people, who in your opinion, are only 50-60% as good as you are end up doing more mileage than you ever managed.

The whole scenario is a bit like a bunch of people driving a car (controlled by multiple people, a bit like an airplane, if you get the idea) upto a hill station. Most of these people you are born with. Some get on board en-route.

In the long term the key performance benchmark is mileage - and potential disruptive factors include - incompatibility amongst the group, emotional stability of the group as a whole and yes, to an extent skill levels of key persons.

We are, afterall, Social beings. Knowing fundae, performance, professional skillsets are just a few of the variables involved. Involving oneself in general activities, socialization, travel, so on and so forth - part of a pursuit of general happiness which, in the larger scheme of things, is FAR more important.

P.s I wonder if such rambling can be interpreted as a sign of maturity ?

P.s 2 - Another thing one MUST read. The brilliant Ladder theory (i mentioned it on twitter) - Fundae like this, especially involving basic analyses of the differences in male vs female thought processes make especially good reading. Educational, if i might add. No ?

P.s 3 - In the Wikipedia page for Ladder theory mentioned above - there is this wonderful list of topics in a box titled 'Close Relationships' - neatly categorized into subcategories - then onto a series of wonderful topics and theories from each page thereon. Blogpost fodder - im even considering starting a tag based on this. Lets see.

Every now and then* there comes a time like now.

We feel that everything is going fine with progress along the road** we've chosen to follow.

The scenery, The excitement, Speed breakers, U-Turns, Traffic signals, Diversions, Roundabouts ...

We're a long way down the chosen road - having gone WAY past thinking about turning back or wasting time reflecting upon the road not taken..

We suddenly notice that the road we're on has taken on the appearance of a smooth, 12 lane freeway, no signs for turns, no exit ramps in sight

Just one big glowing sign ahead showing that the road leads to just one place and just about far enough that we'll probably be on the road for a while

And then we realize we what we ought to have realized atleast a little while earlier -

That we are living our dream***, we are on the highway that we've been aspiring to be on all along

Now that theres just us and the road, now is the time to shift into fifth gear, enjoy, have fun and get on with it.

For there is more of this road, then more roads, forks and obsessing in store.

Notes:

*Like thrice in a decade or so.

**A rather clumsy reference to the kind of Roads featured in Frost's 'The Road not taken'. Im sure one gets the idea

*** Medium term dream, to be specific. Um, i know it is a rather pathetic expression.

P.s The whole thing in regular, readable English:

This typically happens when you do the same thing, i mean on a macro basis (Like doing a course for eg. i felt the same way during the 3rd year in college) for more than 2+ years.

After 2+ years on the same thing - on some random sunday - when youre well fed, well rested and with no particularly nagging deadline to catch - you suddenly see it clearly - the need to go from Level 7 to Level 9 at your chosen field of work - to make the 2+ years youve spent to matter to something.

Time to buckle down and do up the homework. Definitely NOT the time to give in to hormones, random stimulus and screw up.

So there.

(P.P.S - I know this is not my style and all. But WTF. We can always go back to Megan Fox and Chinese stock markets tomorrow, no ?)

Was in Bangalore for a few days earlier this week. On work, of course, which went rather well i must say. Maybe stuff on it later.

Visited a much better stocked crossword store at the Garuda mall - a stone's throw from my Hotel. Acquired copies of:

a) this - not too inspiring (for now). Did a story or two. But the bloke was at his prime a few decades ago. Must have been Avante Garde, back then. I guess. We'll see, wont we ?

b) The highly recommended The View from Castle Rock by Alice Munro (Some of her stuff on the New Yorker, mind you, are tedious. But WTF, worth a shot ) - yet to open, of course.

c) John Le Carre's : The Constant Gardener. (yeah, the filmy* cover and all. But then, with someone as delectable as her featured, surely we can make an exception!). Light and engaging so far, i must admit.

My wonderful hotel also had a dusty old bookcase with quite a few treasures in it. The housekeeper / receptionist was kind enough to let me take with me a lovely 1982 edition of this and ' A day in Venice: New practical guide of the town' (completely revised, 22nd edition released in 1987. ) - about 125 pages of colourful imagery and madly wonkish descriptions of Venice's sites & sounds. Both books, of course, in mint condition and the receptionist, i dont know what he thought, just handed them to me and insisted that i take them with me, compliments of the hotel :x

(Koi padtha nahin hai sahib, aapko chahiye tho leke jao. Sab second hand mein liya, madam ne)

[ P.s Staying on the subject of the Constant Gardener - Please do NOT click on this if you are a fan, like i was, of Ralph Fiennes. And he was on his way to an AIDS conference for pete's sake!]

Disclaimer: Arbit (not that everything else i write is not. This one is specially more so)

I am in the plant, although i am not in the mood for work i have to be here because i have a meeting with a hard-to-catch-holdof architect at 4:30 here. Ive been doing sundays now for as long as i can remember. In Madurai, in any case, theres nothing else to do at home really. Either work or read or sleep.

And oh, i am working on atleast 2 new websites now related to work, also doing up a lot of hardware installation / due diligence for the plant and now theres tons of work making appointments, Getting carry-along-stuff-ready for the Diwali week in Madrid (for CPhi, of course)

This time i ve paid for couple of very interesting pre-show seminars conducted by Guys from Teva and Dr. Reddys - and if theres sufficient progress made with the plant prep for our first big audit starting 26 October - i'l probably extend the stay in Spain to spend a day or two sightseeing.

Possible highlight of the coming week : Potential trip (alone, of course) to a movie (QGM maybe) at the Garuda Mall on MG Road on Tuesday night in Bangalore (Is pretty close to my hotel)

Will possibly also hit a bookstore (i'l googlemapify up shortly) looking for more Stephen Fry, The much recommended India: A History (John Keay) and of course Mcdonough / Braungart's legendary "Cradle to Cradle" (Which is proving to be surprisingly hard-to-find. If all fails in the next fortnight or so, i guess, i have to resort to using my, much depleted*, card at flipkart or landmarkonline)

*Karcha part of recent card-binge include: a) 2 domains, wordpress deployment on one of them. About 100 dollars total b) 500 Euro seminar entry fee c) About 200 Euros for online Pharmacopoeia access until Dec 2010

Back to attempting to work now. *sigh*

Gyaan (Excruciatingly boring, i know)

Another short note before i scoot off to bed.

The old man & I had a bit of meeting at around 8 pm, just before leaving the plant to come back home.

Just as we were leaving he mentioned about how bad he felt about making me resort to such a 'boring, monotonous, joyless' (all his words) lifestyle* so early in life etc.

While it does not matter how things turn out eventually his funda is that parents always try hard to make sure that their kids do not have to work as hard as them or suffer through particularly bad things that they, without having the choice, had to endure.

(*For the last fortnight ive skipped gym most days, up early doing emails until 8:30 then scooting off to plant and not coming back until atleast 8 pm. Ive worked every sunday, as far as i can remember when in Madurai. Tedious visitors mostly. I am glad he noticed :x)

The old man of course does not realize how selfish his offspring can be - and what probably makes me tolerate such a regimen is self interest, more than anything else. No larger truths or other sentiments.

Now to the point:

There IS something that peeves me. Day in day out.

I must, with maniacal obsession, make sure that all this skull-fucking drudgery (no less, i assure you) pays back in the end. I will NEVER work with chickenshit customers, not make arse numbing commodity products or waste time talking to/about projects without potential.

I should frame this up (expletives removed, of course) and hang it at the workspot.

News

I have near finalized my general concept of structuring all outside work i do (outside of the work i do at my core job that is) into something meaningful, formal - mostly with the intent of making it that much of a serious gig.

Here goes..

Now that i have built up a small bit of capital myself - we'll be starting a company (Yet to be named*) which will, broadly, do the following things:

a) For the first few years continue pursuing investment opportunities / with clearly defined short/medium term exit strategy - in publicly listed companies.

b) Such companies will mostly be from the Pharmaceutical, Healthcare sector to utilize insights of our key person(s) involved (they already do a lot of work in this sector and believe to have a better-than-average grasp of key basic business pointers.)

c) There might a fair bit of work involving some basic derivative instruments and work involving shares, securities from other sectors subject to the key person'(s) level of comfort - on a case to case basis.

d) The fundamental philosophy of this enterprise is to preserve the original capital and attempt to grow / compound it by pursuing, thoroughly researched & logical investment opportunities.

e) In the long term, we expect this firm to assume a larger role - to complement key stakeholder interest in the Pharmaceutical / Chemical manufacturing sector and to possibly act as a form of venture capital firm / Holding company specializing in this field - to fund & thereby participate financially and operationally in interesting ventures.

f) Eventually the company should provide an ideal platform for me to participate on full owned / partial stake basis or on a consulting basis - in newer, exciting ventures in the above mentioned business segments - without any hangoever because of the association with the existing core business, which is, um, independently capitalized.

There now has to be a name (for which there is now a long list open), some basic paperwork (in the pipeline already) and of course a studly website (basic workup on already)

So there.

More info around this development will keep coming up sporadically until the website is good enough to go public. This should happen in a few months max or as soon as some of the recent mind boggling intensity from the day job cools a little.

(*I am building a long list. But as i am not too rushed or clear in the head most of these days, i am not really too keen about obsessing about a name for a while. Suggestions welcome, of course)

Um. Rant

Was at JP & My's wedding reception here in Madurai early this evening. Both, batchmates in college. This probably looks like No.1 of 2 cases of batchmates getting married to each other (MK & Sherlie being the other jodi - as MK informed me today). Not bad, i guess. no ?

I in fact met most of the guys who were present after the entire four and half year gap - some have paunches, most have lost a lot of hair and some even have interesting core chemE jobs.

But it was mostly a lot of awkward hugs, awkwarder pauses, louder than usual laughter, sillier than usual jokes and a mind-boggling number of far-from-sincere commitments to stay in touch.

The wedding is tomorrow morningish, but i have visitors to take to the plant - there was this extremely interesting looking babe* from amongst My's gaggle of girlfriends in attendance & with nothing better to do after packing my visitors off to the Airport post lunch - i guess i ought to get there and get on with it.

(*And i thought only i had a thing for shortish, giggly girls with ponytails and flowy, embroidered skirts - JP tells me that nearly half the crowd - even juniors and all - were hitting on her like mad)

Have you ever felt like you know EXACTLY what is to be done to make this deal work, to make this bit of code to run, when to buy this out of the money call, when to sell Bhartitele, when to go through FDC's balance sheet again, when to send the sample, when to invite Sanofi-Aventis for an audit, When to fill the visa form to avoid the customary last minute scramble, when to wake up for Gym etc ..

The end result after a sustained period of consistently reacting on a timely basis to these feelings & getting these jobs ticked off - one by one - is that you are rich, successful, happy and fit.

Off late, i have this weird affliction where inspite of knowing about everything - what to do - when to do - i am still procrastinating - for no reason - not concentrating, just idling away, quite bored with it all. This is sometimes leading to significant loss of quality of work, loss of opportunities and worse, making me needlessly defending / inventing theories to justify - what actually is just needless procrastination.

Heck, i made a 40,000 dollar sale today and i normally tend to feel nice afterward - today i am like numb. No feeling.

One remedy has been just throwing myself at physical, line-managerial work which basically involves solving one minor problem after another at site - one problem sorted - another gets thrown at you - there isnt time to idle -

The main problem with this approach is that I am not working a regular job - no one tells me what to do and what not to do - consistent procrastination results in direct loss of momentum in the numerous projects i work on - probably are very important to me - and significant amount of work at is 'soft' work which invariably get dumped in the back burner.

I guess it is kind of hormonal, sort of like a Quarter Life crisis - my parents seem to understand it too - they're constantly asking me to go on trips to visit friends or vacations.

Ive always been used to doing a lot of work, keeping busy and not feeling lost like this - and this is driving me crazy.

Book Reviews

Disclaimer: Boring. Dont tell me that i did not warn you beforehand. People in need of more entertaining stuff please go forth and read Bharadwaj Rangan's nice review of 'Luck'

The entire week or so has gone through in a sort of haze - the rest of the year will now go through really quickly with the travel season approaching.

Got through two really good books this week - Malcolm Gladwell's 'Outliers' and Atul Gawande's 'Complications' - Both, interestingly, I started last month - and although i found them engaging - had to drop them off within a few sections because of travel related breakup of routine.

I have in the past struggled to get through Gladwell's 'Blink' and 'Tipping point' - starting them multiple number of times - always losing grip after a session or two - In hindsight probably because, although they were both excellently written - they did not deal with a broad subject that i could identify with at that point of time (still, in fact)- and repeated attempts to read through only made me mentally tired. (A bit like reading this after a hard day's labor, heh)

In one decisive, well-executed stroke - 'Outliers' - Gladwell is back in business with me.

'Outliers' - is a book about people who've gone on to achieve extraordinary things - outstanding things - and Gladwell, in his regular thorough & extremely lucid style runs through various casestudies in sequence to illustrate one funda after another - stuff which he believes actually made them 'outliers'

- The book is split into Part I : Opportunity and Part II : Legacy - through which Gladwell illustrates why certain people - because of a combination of a host of 'opportunity' related, 'legacy' related, 'overall cumulative external influence' related factors tend to perform better.

While there are some parts of the book that are slightly tedious and - in my humble opinion - a little too needlessly long winded (The Pilots/ Colombian planecrash section for eg.) - its still overall a great read.

If one is still wary of Gladwell - I strongly recommend a quick read (possibly even at a bookstore) of the 10 odd pages of Gladwell's own story (which is like a sort of an epilogue in the book's narrative sequence) - about his mother Joyce & the circumstances of her education, combination of opportunity & Legacy that eventually made her go to college, meet Gladwell's dad, emigrate to the US and all.

Now to the other book - Gawande's Complications : Notes from the life of a young surgeon

Im sure youve heard of Dr. Atul Gawande - Hes apparently Gladwell's friend - they're both staff writers on the New Yorker - Gawande's articles of course appear frequently on the 'Annals of medicine' section.

Complications is a light, extremely engrossing collection of Gawande's own memoirs during his time spent as a surgical intern, collection of articles on various themes around Medicine & more specifically as a surgeon (Which were published in the New Yorker and The Slate).

Contrary to what one might think at first sight - the book is extremely lucid & written with non-medical people in mind.

Gawande - with surprising amount of candidness - explores (In Gawande's own words) 'about how things go wrong as how things go right' and i dont think there are too many other similar writers in existence especially as 'Doctors and hospitals are usually suspicious of efforts to discuss these matters in public' (again his words).

The book - actually sort of split into 3 parts - actually has the first few chapters dedicated to notes from his specialization as a surgeon - in terms of experiences with procedures etc. - the other parts of the books have really interesting chapters on grey areas of medicine / treatment like pain, nausea, eating disorders - a doctor's thought process regarding offering treatment for such cases and so on..

I have to say one thing though - both Gladwell & Gawande are superlatively gifted - through 'Outliers' and 'Complications' respectively - they display this amazing, (majorly jealously inducing, if i might add*) flair to sift through a large volume of relevant academic research related to their respective subjects and present their cases via extremely enjoyable, instructive narrative.

* P.S: Question : Have you ever read someone's work and went "Aww. How wickedly brilliant ! I'd give an arm or a leg to be able to do that" (and NO he does not count. Who doesnt want to be him :). I am referring to the serious ones)

My answer: These two probably come pretty high up on this list **

** P.P.S: I guess every1 went through a juvenile phase of trying to write like Salinger, and like me, only got the swearwords part right - Heh. So that does not count as well.

Heartbreak

Well, WTF, im officially heartbroken today

Might write it up as a post later on. But then, mostly not. WTF, does not matter either way, does it ?

Thats two WTFs in 2 lines.

But then ive always been delusional, and it is quite a nasty state of mind to be in. Heh, WTF

I wont waste any space attempting half-witted intros for this one. But i cant help but feel one thing after going through a lot of her stuff - The rest of us are all total talentless hacks. TOTAL. ZERO.

Link 1

Link 2 via this

And of course this (DO NOT miss this )

Whew!

When was the last time anyone ever thought of blogging at 8 am on a friday morning ?

But then i dont actually remember the last time i actually enjoyed working from dawn to dusk every day of the week either.

Living in a small town in a big house* with super cool parents** = 25 mins to work (which is actually 20 km away) + Nice, extremely cost effective housekeeping, backoffice and car maintenance => Superlative productivity, use of time

It is kind of like the first time in my adult life ive actually spent a big stretch of time here at home & i have nearly 100% stopped feeling out of place or feeling bad about work.

I cant explain how exciting work is - i can now shoot off cost estimates for sq.ft or cu.ft of 9 inch brick walls / 4.5 inch brick walls (with / without fancy finishing) or GI panels with single skin fill / Honeycomb or PUF infills - design from scratch Class 100,000 AHUs for big layouts with VFD controlled blowers, motorized dampers and skada powered automatic pressure balancing, air conditioning loads and so on..

With nearly 50% of the major hardware installed, we're thrilled with preliminary results & i already have approval for phase III - in addition to the lab (id always been obsessing about) - cleanroom work & capacity balancing for the other plant.

Theres of course a lot of implicit pressure on me - i am expected to sell - smoothly - nearly double the quantity from what we've been producing the last year or two - not just one - but two products now. Lots of Dossier work, that much is sure (MS word, HPLC work and pain in the arse)

The next year, i expect, will take out a lot of empty pages from the passport. (Subject to, of course, the plant turning out as sexy as we want it to turn out)

And um, does anyone know how this place will look like in the middle of October ? Fear not, if you dont know - we'll find out soon enough. Visa forms have arrived.

* & ** More on Marlon Brando & Zeenat 'Bharatmatrimony' Amman (and her latest obsession) later on when i have the energy.

Song of the month

We've gone without a song of the month for several months now. Heres one.

This song is of course part of Rabbi Shergill's brilliant first album (which of course every1 remembers because of the wildy famous 'Bulla Ki Jaana Main Kaun') .

This one, called Tere bin is also apparently part of the OST of some Hindi flick called Delhi Heights (starring another Shergill, Jimmy in this case. Related, are they?)

Now that the world has been saved by the brilliant Rabbi Shergill, lesser mortals like myself ought to get back to less glamorous, mundane things like reading oneself to sleep & hope to wake up on time for another week of PIC/S, ICH and *shudder* this.