Its just past midnight and ive been like sitting on the balcony reading - theres a cool breeze, its raining a little - im playing trance music as lovely as this - the whole apartment smells wonderfully of Ariel which like, wafts along , in the cool breeze - im wide awake but too lazy to do any work -

What more does a guy need ? :)

Worst day of the entire fortnight - was pleasant enough for most of the while - i even got a visa issued in hand in like 5 hours after the interview on the last working day before my weekend flight

I am feeling particularly depressed because i spent most of the day doing chores i suddenly have started hating - i figure that my problem is that im unable to switch between one mode to another - making sales calls one day and making technical dossiers the next day - often unable to enjoy the periods of lull in one type of work / which often gets more than made up with a hectic, crappy phase with the other type of work. It feels like a fever that wont go away - a sort of a sleepiness, heavyness that nags u all the time.

And ive crossed the phase where everything was a new challenge - a point to prove - and take on head on - its now gruelling, time consuming work - which ive setup in such a way that theres no one else around to do it -

I wonder how big is big enough for me to say - hey we'll get people to do that job - one for each kind of job - i guess its more than being able to afford doing it - it needs a certain mental makeup to be able to setup that kind of an operation - I read a few chapters from the book about entrepreneurial IIMA alumuni - most of the more successful blokes seemed to have scaled up by getting quickly to a stage where they just run the macro show- and move on

I look at my mom & dad and cant help but feeling jealous - they have their egos, their social lives, personalities wrapped up around their work,establishment they own and run - i wonder when or if at all i'l ever feel that way - my approach has so far been like - hey this is interesting, thats a possibility, go here, call him, why can we do this - kind of a juvenile approach -

I guess i have a huge personal challenge - be more productive with my hours, set goals on the personal life front - and get into some kind of a settled, less hectic, more organized kind of a lifestyle - to make all these efforts sustainable.

But today, im fucken depressed - if i wasnt so tired - id av driven myself to the beach or something.

Il need to talk to some1 about all this - i wonder if i'l go mental if i keep this up :)

Funny stuff

I got this in email today :)

Funny Quote of the Day -

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." -- Bill Cosby

My parents werent privy to this bit of wisdom when they had me named i guess !

Arcadia > A wonderful passage to think about

" The unpredictable and the predetermined unfold together to make everything the way it is. It's how nature creates itself, on every scale, the snowflake and the snowstorm. It makes me so happy. To be at the beginning again, knowing almost nothing.

People were talking about the end of physics. Relativity and quantum looked as if they were going to clean out the whole problem between them. A theory of everything. But they only explained the very big and the very small. The universe, the elementary particles. The ordinary-sized stuff which is our lives, the things people write poetry about - clouds - daffodils - waterfalls - and what happens in a cup of coffee when the cream goes in - these things are full of mystery, as mysterious to us as the heavens were to the Greeks. We're better at predicting events at the edge of the galazy or inside the nucleus of an atom than whether it'll rain on auntie's garden party three Sundays from now. Because the problem turns out to be different. We can't even predict the next drip from a dripping tap when it gets irregular. Each drip sets up the conditions for the next, the smallest variation blows the prediction apart, and the weather is unpredictable in the same way, will always be unpredictable.
When you push the numbers through the computer you can see it on the screen. The future is disorder.

A door like this has cracked open five or six times since we got up on our hind legs. Its the best possible time to be alive, when almost everything you thought you knew is wrong. "

- This is an excerpt from Tom stoppard's play: Arcadia

If reading this passage doesnt feel like a nice slap across your face - read it again. I havent read any piece in my life before which express such a complex idea / thought process - coherently, near-completely, simply and in so few words.

wow

Bombay > September 2008

;)

Was down in bombay for a couple of days - after like - aages - i think the last visit was like in Nov 2007 - it involved the usual - the running around in the rain - in taxis, autos & in the air pollution.


Now that nearly all of whats left of our looney college gang live in Mumbai - we all had this 11'0'clock party at the Mc Donald's at Andheri station - C, L, T, M and me were present - and we had this perfectly gr8 time - calling each other names - discussing everything from Lehmann brothers, Currency futures to Gult movies and making total fools of ourselves.


Its back in Tnagar for the weekend, then back on the road again.


**Yawn**

[ Me + M, T & L - a commodity futures trader, an Investment banker, and a B Schooler - we probably look just like the same old bunch of half-crazy assholes]

the photo reminds me - i need to look for a goddamn barbershop tomorrow

One of those weeks where there has been so much going on - heck at what, like 11 in the evening, i even completed this beautiful call with a consultant who sorted out something thats been nagging me for a year and a half.

A trip to chennai and back - an english dinner guest, a filipino for the next night - an episode where i locked the T nagar place with the key in it - thankfully had my car keys & mobile out - and there was a spare in the office -

But WAY too much information to sift through, digest and act upon - i sometimes wonder if i wud have led a much better quality of life if id opted for another way of life - my old man calls me a fool and tells me to wake up early every morning and think about how lucky i really am to be able to do all the crap im doing without pressure at my age - he says 'i have a great quality of life - as much quality as i can imagine.You do the same work i do, so u ought to define quality properly and fit into what ur doing without feeling drained'

- easy for him to say, eh ? :)

Sarah Palin & all the haa hoo

Theres this issue that has been bugging me whenever i switch on any TV channel - The nomination of 'hockey mom' Sarah Palin as geriatrix's running mate.

I always believe that american analysis of politics - especially commentary from some of these half witted, party spokes people, campaign volunteers etc. - women mostly (incidentally!?) - is logicless crap - i dunno

Here there was this reedy, blonde hag the other day - who was like saying - Palin was carrying Hillary's flag - victory for feminists - Palin has won conservative hearts with her church going, all american, anti-abortionist mom - type image, anti corruption, anti establishment - Mccain is for change and crap like that

For christssake - i heard palin make her 'hockey mom' speech the other day - she even mentioned that she got into politics after she got active with her kids' PTA at their school - Gawd!

John 'Geriatrix' mccain - in my opinion is like as much as a buffoon as Bush - maybe speaks a little better - has any1 seen how his wife looks like ? Imagine her in the white house :)

Obama's concept of change : imagine a guy whos black, with Hussein for a middle name (cliched, i know :) ) - but still does not appear mainstream black - appeals to every1 - this is CHANGE - it will, i am 100% sure be a HUGE stabilizing factor for everything worldwide

Geriatrix and Sarah Palin - who's supposedly gathering up where Hillary left - goddamn it - Hillary is all class man - you cant beat her in class & intelligence - she wont call herself 'hockey mom' for godssake - and palin is insulting all of America if she thinks if such a ruse can emote them into supporting her -

I know my analysis sounds baseless and overly one sided - But somehow i get stirred if some1 makes overly chauvenistic comments - men are men AND women are women - each of them are like nature intended them to be - and sometimes theres stuff some do better - some just cant do - no point talking crap like reservations, feminism, arguing for men Vs women or vice versa.

Heres another post i wrote 2 years before - on a slightly similar subject - i guess my feelings havent changed all that much :)

Update

Im back - then have managed to travel back down south to Madurai - where ive now collapsed - i am severly jetlagged and have lost my voice. And I am sick and tired of Airplanes.

Good news is - ive managed see TONS of movies on the like 40 hours i spent on the various flights - Kung fu panda (Sema hype - lives upto about 20% of it) , Indiana Jones & The crystal Skull, Kevin spacey's : Recount (a kind of an adaptation of the gore/bush florida vote drama), Juno (um, wasnt all that intellectual as i thought it wud be - heck what is it about, really ?), The Bank job (Jason stratham starrer - where baddies are called 'villains' and are always from the East end of London & support west ham - mildly entertaining id say), My blueberry nights (Starring Norah Jones, Jude law, Natalie portman and the absolutely delicious looking Rachel Weiz) But hey - Nah, not my kind of movie), The Other Boleyn girl (Natalie portman all the way, scarlett ought to be disappointed)..i might av watched a few more - but i cant seem to remember them being noteworthy.

Then, some1 called me and asked me come to Delhi on sunday, i said, for petessake - NO - i dont give a rat's ass - for what business there is :) i wudnt be put on a plane even if theres preity zinta in a string bikini waiting at the other end. No sir.

I am hunting down here for a book to work on for this sunday

*yawn*