Worst day of the entire fortnight - was pleasant enough for most of the while - i even got a visa issued in hand in like 5 hours after the interview on the last working day before my weekend flight

I am feeling particularly depressed because i spent most of the day doing chores i suddenly have started hating - i figure that my problem is that im unable to switch between one mode to another - making sales calls one day and making technical dossiers the next day - often unable to enjoy the periods of lull in one type of work / which often gets more than made up with a hectic, crappy phase with the other type of work. It feels like a fever that wont go away - a sort of a sleepiness, heavyness that nags u all the time.

And ive crossed the phase where everything was a new challenge - a point to prove - and take on head on - its now gruelling, time consuming work - which ive setup in such a way that theres no one else around to do it -

I wonder how big is big enough for me to say - hey we'll get people to do that job - one for each kind of job - i guess its more than being able to afford doing it - it needs a certain mental makeup to be able to setup that kind of an operation - I read a few chapters from the book about entrepreneurial IIMA alumuni - most of the more successful blokes seemed to have scaled up by getting quickly to a stage where they just run the macro show- and move on

I look at my mom & dad and cant help but feeling jealous - they have their egos, their social lives, personalities wrapped up around their work,establishment they own and run - i wonder when or if at all i'l ever feel that way - my approach has so far been like - hey this is interesting, thats a possibility, go here, call him, why can we do this - kind of a juvenile approach -

I guess i have a huge personal challenge - be more productive with my hours, set goals on the personal life front - and get into some kind of a settled, less hectic, more organized kind of a lifestyle - to make all these efforts sustainable.

But today, im fucken depressed - if i wasnt so tired - id av driven myself to the beach or something.

Il need to talk to some1 about all this - i wonder if i'l go mental if i keep this up :)