Insomnio (Insomnia in Spanish)

My kazillionth post titled "insominia"

i have been tossing around in bed for over an hour thinking of many, well, things

i feel rotten, wasted and foolish (the words reflect my present state of mind - i cant seem to think of better epithets)

Iam realizing the flip side of choosing to live in a dump working for my 'business'

in college, i was a raving nerd in the first year, slightly less so in the second.

In the third year, i caught this whim of making truckloads of money and cut classes like crazy to trade shares, cheating in exams like crazy (i attended about 7 lectures with Dr.Anandam and still got an S :), copying off chits and suraj's papers)

wasting time without achieving anything concrete (the money of course came and went at the end of it all, i ended up becoming sleepless over Calls, Puts, Futures, State Bank , reliance and ranbaxy).

By the fourth year i was totally convinced that my college course was not going to teach me anything and took to bunking, cheating and OB on a GRAND SCALE.

My grades started showing up too. I got an E in CRE II, where i had gotten an A in the previous semester - same prof, similar stuff (The whole trouble was that CRE II had these formulae which were like 3 miles long - much too long for my palm or the drawing board in Hall A and we are seated in Alphabetical order all the time. ABhilash sits next to the prof with Agnel behind him.

Gayathri or Jayshree in the next row always thought my twisting around and chatting / swapping stuff with Agnel in exams was not exactly normal and always regarded me with obvious disdain :)

My 7th sem was the worst ever - i got 8.

My GPA goes like this 8.68, 9.21, 9.63, 8.94, 8.84, 8.5, 8, 8.75 CGPA: 8.7 (give or take a few - i dont remember too well). I have all grades S, A,B,C,E with the exception of a 'D'. I asked Dr.Sai to give me a 'D' in Professional Ethics (Ethics. my foot, my face and my Ass !!) but he refused point blank to give me an 'A'.

There was this other fiasco about the CAT/GMAT and all that bull that came with it. Somehow, i realize now that ive ben such an imbecile in this regard.

my math skills very always ordinary. so if i wanted to get into an IIM in earnest, i shud av whacked myself and gotten to work in the 3rd year or something. I started in earnest in mid August. there was time only for Mock cats, fake cats and similar tests and the coaching classes.

somehow, i always knew that i wud come back home after college atleast for a few years and then decide about things later on. i still went along with the other junta for this CAT fiasco.

i got 98.84 Percentile overall. Math: 98.6 (i was kinda happy) Verbal: 98.9 (i had hoped for a 99+) and DI 85. Surprising, turns out that 2 more marks in DI wud av fetched my 95% there and an overall of over 99.2 - giving a minimum of 4 calls. All i got was a letter from SP fu*#ing Jain, which i threw in the litter bin.

I had earlier wasted 11,000 on booking/rescheduling a GMAT. In all my trials id gotten 740s and 760s. In the center, i suddenly realized that the English was pretty tough - all goddamn answers were similar looking and it was like 'spot the best answer based on minute bugs in the grammar' - my least fav question pattern. i had a real tough time and came out with 710 - which all the uncles who wrote GMAT with me assured me was a 'phenom' score as one especially bald uncle who worked for satyam (for 8 years) put it. all of em were wondering why i gave GMAT so early ( i mentioned to one of em that i will be 21 on the 20th of November)

Iam wondering about that too.

So when i shud av done something useful in my last year - i ended up fucking myself so hard that i was left reeling at the end of it all. i knew deep down that there is no way in the world that i can do an MS or convince myself to ask my Dad sponsor a 40lac MBA at Dartmouth or Colombia.

So here iam, 'working' for myself in this chicken shit little town, still hoping that there is some way out of it all :)

I do see the light at the end of this tunnel -and hey iam going towards it

swoon !!!